(humor)
–>Cherry blossoms closed for the duration
–>Astronauts in space station required to stay in Russian-built Soyuz space capsule
–>Department of Energy permitted to service existing nuclear weapons but not build
new ones
–>Pacific Coast salmon barred from swimming upstream
–>Military operations in Afghanistan and Iraq continue; “humanitarian” operations in
Libya suspended
–>National Zoo’s orangutan can be fed but not treated for depression when audience
disappears
–>Hoover dam opened to prevent federal hindrance of free flow of water
–>No elevator operators in Congress; Members required to push their own buttons
(true)
–>Federal employees who leave the country by April 8 not permitted to return until
shutdown ends
–>No tolls collected on federal highway system
–>Easter and Passover canceled
–>Missile defense rockets grounded
–>All Koran burnings suspended
–>Large financial institutes can go belly up without federal assistance
–>Federal magistrates delay marriage ceremonies
–>Tea baggers required to switch from bags to loose tea
–>Severe blackberry withdrawal will lead to Prozac shortage
–>Humor is deemed non-essential and barred for the duration.
