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You are here: Home / Blog / If the federal government shuts down . . .

April 8, 2011

If the federal government shuts down . . .

(humor)

–>Cherry blossoms closed for the duration
–>Astronauts in space station required to stay in Russian-built Soyuz space capsule
–>Department of Energy permitted to service existing nuclear weapons but not build
new ones
–>Pacific Coast salmon barred from swimming upstream
–>Military operations in Afghanistan and Iraq continue; “humanitarian” operations in
Libya suspended
–>National Zoo’s orangutan can be fed but not treated for depression when audience
disappears
–>Hoover dam opened to prevent federal hindrance of free flow of water
–>No elevator operators in Congress; Members required to push their own buttons
(true)
–>Federal employees who leave the country by April 8 not permitted to return until
shutdown ends

–>No tolls collected on federal highway system
–>Easter and Passover canceled
–>Missile defense rockets grounded
–>All Koran burnings suspended
–>Large financial institutes can go belly up without federal assistance
–>Federal magistrates delay marriage ceremonies
–>Tea baggers required to switch from bags to loose tea
–>Severe blackberry withdrawal will lead to Prozac shortage
–>Humor is deemed non-essential and barred for the duration.

Posted in: Blog

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